The Blog that isnt

MISS THE BUS...................

2011-11-27T02:48:00.001-08:00

MISS THE BUS

Fare hike and its aftermath

Soaring bus ticket prices in tamil nadu has sent buscommuter’s pulse rate soaring too as the fares have just sky rocketed. As oneamong them,who travel by MTC(metropolitan transport corporation) in Chennai dailyI write this piece to share the various incidents that happen related to thishike.

I usually had a feeling that in buses the conductors have apretty easy job as they has to just issue tickets and always do have a seat whilethe driver,( poor guy) has to drive these huge buses through the traffic andthe roads which have become like narrow corridors thanks to the Chennaimetro rail project,

But today my mindset is differentand the driver’s job looks sooooooo cooolll as the conductors are now takingthe entire wrath from people of all sorts for asking them to pay more for theirtickets.

The curses sometimes flew so bigthat I wondered if the people thought maybe the conductors get to take alltheir collection money home, and when I jokingly asked a friendly conductor(areal rare occurrence!!!!!) the reply was

“ADA POONGA THAMBI…IRUKARA BETA VAEKORACHUTANGA”(THEY HAVE EVEN REDUCED OUR USUAL COMMISSION)

SO folks who are reading this andalso travel by our mtc.. chill out guys the conductors have nothing to do withthis !! Wink!!

The various instances mentionedbelow are incidents from my own life and I got a gut feeling that every buscommuter and Chennaite can relate to this.

SCENE : 1

Location : INSIDE 500v, mtc’s AC VOLVOplying between Velachery and Mahindra city

Time : Morning 7.05 am

It was another routine trip to college and having already got the news of the bus fare hike from the newspapersand television news channels , I proudly handed out a “Rs.50” note for a ticketto VPT(SRM university) which was earlier valued “ Rs.35”

The conductor gave me back a smilewhich was in a kind “mocking” and asked

“5 rupees change”

I obediently plunged into my purse’s coinchamber thinking that he needed 5rs toround of the ticket so that it would be easy for him to give me back thebalance for the 50rs I gave (which usually happens in mtc)

“EMPTY”

And at the same time the conductorpressed the buttons and as the printer started printing my ticket I had a feelinside my tummy which usually occurs when I enter my roll number and press thecheck results button in the “ANNA UNIVERSITY” website and wait as the pageloads…

I REPLIED

“CHANGE ILA ANNA (I DON’T HAVE CHANGE)”

HIS GRIN GREW WIDER AND AS HE HANDEDME MY TICKET HE DECLARED TRIUMPHANTLY

“THAMBI FARE 55 RUPEES PA ADHAN 5RS EXTRAKAETEN (THE FARE IS 55RS THAT IS WHY I ASKED YOU FOR 5 RS)”

Whaaaaaattttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My eyesdid the act that the cartoon character Scooby doo does when he sees a ghost..

I handed out another “Rs.10”note to him in defeat, he gave the change and went on his beat giving others their firstshock of their day,

The man who sat straight across megave such a reaction on seeing the ticket that I wondered if I should call 108(theemergency number) and announce a heart attack!!!

As the conductor returned aftergetting all the ticket fares at the back I called out to him and said

“ANNAASK THE DRIVER TO GO SLOWLY!! NO HURRY”

ANDWINKED

as few laughs rang out through thebus I settled myself in my seat and turned both the A.C vents above my seatsonto my direction, if this is what am going to pay then I must make the most ofit and as the fm in the bus started playing “mun andhi saral ni" a latest hitand the cool air from the vent started to blow freely I said to myself tappingmy chest slowly

“youare travelling in a Volvo bala…chill!!!!!!”

SCENE :2

LOCATION :ON THE 3^RD STEP OF THEFOOTBOARD ON THE CONDUCTOR SIDE OF ROUTE NUMBER 54 PLYING BETWEEN HIGH COURT AND POONAMALLE

The north Indian guy standing nextto me had just asked for a ticket to the conductor for his destination and theconductor gave him 2 “Rs 5.50” tickets and asked him for 11 rupees and thenhell broke loose in such a way that I was confused whether our so called “UNITY IN DIVERSITY”really does exisit!???

NIG(north Indian guy) : hellobhaiyaa dho nahi!! Yaek yaek…….(not two tickets only one)

Conductor: one ticket eleven rupees

NIG: eleven rupees??(shocked) dhotickets nahi yaek yaek tickets chaiyae (not two tickets only one I want)

And he handed back the other ticketto the conductor who by now had his palm on the forehead.

I decided to help and even though myHindi was damn bad I gave it a try,

I explained to him

The next cyrus : ticket paisa (I saidscratching my thumb and index fingers violently indicating money) uppar chalega, naiyitickets print nahi chalega, (placed one ticket above the other) and said so dho tickets….hmmmmm yaek ticket..

I don’t know how the guy understoodit, but he declared "acchhaa" and gave the conductor 11 rupees, the person standing near me asked

“thambi unaku hindi theriyuma pa??”(brother u know hindi??)

Surprised by this sudden spotlight I declared

“ya I studied till pradhmik and 3^rdlanguage hindi”(which hardly is something that can be said in public proudly !!! )

“super pa” came the reply and he started his lecture titled”languagesand their importance”

I thought of asking how many languagesdoes he know?? But thought better of it and just removed my ear phonesand there I was enjoying a footboard lecture on the various languages as thedriver put pedal to metal as the TATA MARCO POLO raced past the Chennai trade center atnandambakkam

Folks am sure all of you reading this wouldhave had similar incidents in our buses….share em up and lets have a “lightertake” on this issue of fare increase!!! Hoping to see all your comments….

Cheers,

The next cyrus!!!

E"PICCC"" PICCCCCCCCCSSSS 3

2011-11-27T01:06:00.001-08:00

check out the vehicle type and "name of the offence"

E"PiCC" picssssss 2

2011-11-27T00:39:00.000-08:00

e"PIC" PICSSSSSSS

2011-11-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

wer 2 go and wat to do!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE GOLDEN TEARS!!!!

2011-01-08T08:57:00.000-08:00

The Onion prices sky rocketing has put the entire nation in jeopardy....well when we asked some of our prominent political personalities about it, here is what they said....

THE UNION AGRICULTURE AND FOOD MINISTER-A job of managing the food security of a billion people (too lil) so the role of ICC CHAIRMAN..(dunno which one is the add-on)

the next cyrus -Sir whats your take on ONIONS,how do you think you going to FIX it?

Mr Sp- Well sorry we did not get any complaints regarding Graham Onions(england cricketer) in the match fixing scandals, it was just about a few pakistani players...

the next cyrus-ooops sorry sir i think you are still in your cricket shoes, i was actually asking

about the VEGETABLE ONIONs prices sky rocketing, what is your take on that problem?

Mr Sp- Well then mayb LALIT MODI is to be blamed for that.........

the next cyrus-??????

then comes our Spectrum Raja-

the next cyrus - Sir what would you say about the 1.7 lakh crore rupee scam..i still cant figure out how many ZEROS are in it?

Mr "spectrum" AR- you are exaggerating too much about the scam when it can be told by simple means

the next cyrus- what would be that simple way then?

Mr "spectrum" AR- the scam is worth maybe..hmmm.....25 trucks of onions!!!!!

when we contacted his MENTOR...this was what he had to say

the next cyrus- sir whats your take on this ONION issue?

Mr Mk-We have formulated some techniques to solve this problem

plan 1-to design a election sop "1 KG ONIONS FOR RE 1"

plan 2-to start a new ministry to manage onions called the "the ministry of onion affairs"

and apooint my great great grandson or grandson as the minster.

Well to end here are some excerpts from the "common man" who bear the brunt of this big RISE

it starts with

"ELECTRIC TRAIN EZHUMALAI" - The famous electric train onion samosas will no longer have onions from next week!!!

the next cyrus - what about this week then?

ETE-we got stocks for this week?

the next cyrus- the onion stocks?

ETE- no no boss, the SAMOSA stock!!!( ha ha ha sudana sudana onion sammmoooossssaaaiiieeee)

"MARKET MALLIGA"- We have just ordered for bigger placards to write onion prices

"house wife Hema" - My mega serials lost their competitors, without onions they would be the only source for my tears

whats your onion joke?....why always shed tears about our favourite onions?...lets laugh a bit!!!cheers!!

Happy new year folks!!!!!!

2011-01-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

A year has gone by since the last post due to various reasons (ranging from engineering 5% football 5% others 10% and biggest of em all laziness 80%). a new year resolution to keep this blog alive and kicking is the new magic to spread the cheers!!!....anyways WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!KEEP VISITING.....THIS JUS GONNA GET BETTER!!

CHEERS,
the nextcyrus!!

"HELL"ICOPTERS -Special Interviews

2009-09-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

As reports come in about the mystery surrounding the Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister Y S R Reddy, Panic,Anxiety and uproar can be seen and felt everywhere across our nation.While DGCA reports of the flying machines not being air worthy creating uproar,this blog brings you the excrepts of interviews from Top political leaders about their view on helicopter travel.

First we caught up with the Chief Minister of UTTAR PRADESH Miss MAYAWATI

The Next Cyrus : Hello Mam, it seems you are in a big hurry... wassup?

Mayawati :Hello Hello, yes as u can see am really busy...am on my way to unveil my new STATUE.(lol)

The Next Cyrus :Oh! it seems i have come at the right time then,How are you going to travel? is it by HELICOPTERS?

Mayawati :OH NO NO young man, Helicopters are UNFIT for me.As u can see Helicopters have to take a VERTICAL TAKE OFF, and their engine is also is very small,so its not good enough to carry me....

The Next Cyrus :Hmm....I sure do understand the "GRAVITY" (HA HA HA) of the situation Mam.So how do you travel then?

Mayawati : Mamtha(THE RAILWAY MINISTER) has kept aside a separte BROAD GAUGE train for me and its also useful for her (giggles)!!!!....so I travel by that

The Next Cyrus : OH HA HA...thanks a lot Miss MAYAWATI for sharing your views with us,wish you a happy journey

Mayawati : Hmm..its k.....(ARREE OPEN THE DOUBLE DOORS YAAR!!!)

Next on our special interviews we got Mr.L.K.Advani-

The Next Cyrus : Hello MR.L.K.Advani, I "JUSTWANT" to know......

Mr.L.K.A :JASWANT? sorry no comments, gaurds take him out

The Next Cyrus : OOOPS....Easy Mr.Advani I told that I JUST WANTED to know about your idea of travelling by Helicopters, as you can see there have been too many crashes of late.

Mr.L.K.A :Oh....i cant be blamed for that, i was not in the cabinet meet that decided to buy these Helicopters,(lol)I dont know anything about aircrafts, helicopters HIJACKS(haha) etc

The Next Cyrus :Oh Mr.Advani,I am not sure if you are in the right frame of mind right now...sorry..TAKE CARE

Next in line is the captain of our INDIAN cricket team M.S.Dhoni-

The Next Cyrus : Hello Mahi....how are you? long time no see man....

M.S.D :Am fine,am on my way to a commercial shoot,so please hurry up buddy

The Next Cyrus :Well I just want to know about your idea on helicopter travel....how do you travel Mahi?

M.S.D :Are you WADA in disguise,no way man i cannot disclose about my mode of transport,my location,my commercials,my turnover,even my Next hair style.. NOTHING

The Next Cyrus: oh my god...here we go....K K Cool down Mr.COOL..good luck...

Next we caught up with Miss JAYALALITHA

The Next Cyrus :Hello Mam,the news regarding MR.Reddy is already making waves what do you think about helicopter travel.

Jayalalitha :Yes it is so sad that helicopter travel has become very dangerous,a bigger threat than the DMK can i say?

The Next cyrus :That was really high on confidence Mam,so how are you goin to deal with this threat

Jayalalitha : Very easy, am going to order an AIRBUS A380,so that I can have a comfortable ride and as i can sit spreading my legs in dat jumbo jet.

The Next Cyrus :But how will you be able to attend elections in rural areas with that aircraft....?

Jayalalitha : Very easy....AIDMK will BOYCOTT the polls there....(HA HA HA )

Next we go North to J and K....and have a small chat with the chief minister OMAR ABDULLAH

The Next Cyrus :Hello Mr.Abdullah, what is your idea of travelling by helicopters?

Mr.O.A :Hello the next cyrus,ya it is getting very dangerous so i am avoiding most of

my travels.

The Next Cyrus :what will you do when you got no way out but to travel as you are the Chief Minsiter?

Mr.O.A : I will RESIGN (ha ha ha) lol

hmmm.....Last but not the least we go to Tamil Nadu to get Chief Minister Mr.Karunanidhi's views

The Next Cyrus : Excuse me, i have come here with an appointment to meet Mr.Karunanidhi...

CM's PA : Sorry sir but the CM and his whole family has set out for Delhi,to celebrate the NEW YEAR with the PRIME MINISTER and SONIA GANDHI.

The Next cyrus :Pardon me but did you say NEW YEAR? well its just September now...isnt it a bit too early.

CM's PA :It isnt early sir, as DR.KALAIGNAR has embarked on this journey in something which he considers is the safest mode of travel .

The Next Cyrus : Well.....What mode is that?

CM's PA : His WHEEL CHAIR of course.....

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

WELL FOLKS HOPE YOU ENJOYED ALL THE INTERVIEWS. I WOULD BE HAPPY TO GET YOUR FEEDBACKS AS COMMENTS.....

- cheers!!!!

The Next Cyrus

THE TALE OF THE DEF"ENDING" CHAMPIONS!!!

2009-06-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

Team India,probably the best team on paper and one of the favourites to lift the trophy in the t20 world cup came out of the tournament in the super 8 stage itself much to the disapointment of us Indians.

Team India SUPER until before the SUPER 8 stage lost all the 3 matches in the super eight to give another stunning evidence that INDIANS really are being BEATEN all around the world,the reasons are

IN Australia..................Beaten because of RACE.

In Canada.......................Beaten because of RACE.

In ENGLAND...................Beaten because of the PACE.....haha

The Opponent's pace bowling,short balls or rather CHIN MUSIC proved to be a major obstacle for our much famed batting line up.When this blog contacted MR.Sreesanth who is very much into singing and dancing and fortunately not into the team and asked him about this so called CHIN MUSIC, this was what he had to say

The NEXT Cyrus :Hello,Sreesanth how are you? long time since we saw you in the Indian team

Sreesanth :Hi,am fine and about my inclusion in the team you got to ask another sree and not me

The Next Cyrus :Another Sree? err....whom do you mean?

Sreesanth :Arrreeee....its "SREE"KANTH,dat Krish Shrikanth the smiling fellow with a dark french beard.

The Next Cyrus :HA HA oh yes...am sorry i forgot,then are you bowling atleast in the NETS?

Sreesanth :NETS? what is that? am actually bowling only in the SETS....(ha ha)...actually tomorrow am bowling to RAKHI SAWANT in a famous bombay studio.(BLUSH)

The Next Cyrus :OH that's Great,moving on to cricket,what do you say about this Chin music style of bowling that troubled the Indians a lot this time around in England.

Sreesanth :oh sorry i dont know anything about this CHIN MUSIC and all but i can tell you about something else.

The Next Cyrus :Oh yes come on go ahead Sree,

Sreesanth :Eventhough i dont know anything about CHIN MUSIC, I know a lot about CHEEK MUSIC.

The Next Cyrus :CHEEK MUSIC? Well,what is that? can you please explain to us.

Sreesanth :CHEEK MUSIC is a weapon used by the INDIANS,and it has been used only after a match.

The Next Cyrus :The INDIANS? oh this is intresting, actually can you get to be more specific

Sreesanth : Ya yaar it was used by the Indians,to be specific THE MUMBAI

INDIANS.....

The NEXT Cyrus :The MUMBAI INDIANS ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! oh my god i got this one.......So sree you mean the Bhajji Slap!!!!! correct?

Sreesanth :Waaahhhhh.....Yessss......Booo..HOOO....PREITYYYYYWaaahhh......

The Next Cyrus :Well its ok sree control your emotions and as a gift for talking to us we give you this handkerchief.....wid bhajji's autograph.Thanks a lot

Well folks when i recall the slapgate controversy i am made to feel like as though DHONI and VIRU are the best mates in the team.

Getting back to some serious (no chuckles guys) stuff-

THE REASONS THAT ARE'NT..............

The Trouble "OPENS" with the "OPENER"

The Indian Vice(unwise)-Captain's injury caused because he DIVED!!!!!!!!!! (yes folks you read it correct) while fielding during an IPL match made him sit out of the warm up games and eventually he flew back home(if he had waited for two days his team mates would have accompanied him..lol).But the question is why did this guy come to England when he was injured?

Adding insult to the injury was the way MR.COOL M.S.Dhoni handled the media with an unity show and followed by an almost hate speech.

Overall this world cup campaign of INDIA saw a lot of DRAMA...but unfortunately NO ACTION

THE INIDAN PREMIER(PAISA) LEAGUE-

This reason is the brainwave of Gary Kristen our Indian Coach who said that the IPL fatigue was one of the reasons for the teams failure which was mocked not just by our skipper but also the other international players.

SURA(e)SH RAINA,RO"HIT" SHARMA and Co- Eventhough Dhoni is being the target of all critcism, i feel like Msd has been let down by his vice captain Sehwag, Raina and all other players as none of them including our skipper played at their best.Raina who was pheneomenal for the Chennai Super Kings during IPL was one of the biggest flops.

M.S.Dhoni HERO TO VILLAIN Within a week!!!!- Dhoni who got newly designed SPYDER bats for this tournament failed both as a captain and wicket-keeper batsman.Our "SPYDERMAN's" NEW BAT so NEW BALL concept ie MSD coming at one "down" actually proved to be a let "down".

M.S.Dhoni who has completely lost his MIDAS TOUCH is also showing signs of losing his another strong weapon namely his COOLNESS.The days when whatever plans or changes MSD makes coming out triumphant are long over but my dear Captain

luck may come and luck may go......but talent is present forever.

So folks whatever happend in England is now a thing of the past.We got a lot more cricket coming our way and as India take on the West Indians, lets show the West Indians and the whole world that setbacks are nothing but stepping stones to INDIA.

LETS GO..........INDIA>>>>>INDIA>>>PUM PUM PUM>>>>>

JAI HO!!!!!!! JAI HIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAMTA ""BAN""erjee

2009-06-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

Mamta Banerjee the newly appointed union railway minister got of to a BRIGHT start as the so called "RUMOURS" that BAN on express trains stopping at various stations in Bihar led to the "AAM ADMIS" of India's PRIDE (ha ha) Bihar torching trains and sparked of various protests all over the state.It was an shameful act in a state whose ministers had almost taken over the RAIL BHAVAN for a long time, our ever green Lalu Prasad, Nitish kumar and Ram Vilash Paswan who have spent terms as railway ministers are from Bihar.As millions of TAX PAYERS money were burnt on the tracks of bihar,the minister is following a policy of 3F's FORGIVE,FORGET,(move)FORWARD, and guess who was the man who came to back Mamta and assured of her innocence in this carnage was of COURSE,the man who waited and waited and waited and probably still waiting in 7 race COURSE road, our one and only Lalu Prasad, a man who is considered as DEMI GOD in Bihar( and of course not during the election).I hope this start which has made Mamta to PLAY WITH FIRE early in her regime would make her take decisions which would rather HALT happenings like this,HALT train delays,and other problems rather than to halt TRAINS. But one thing all Indians know is you can halt a Train but you cannot Halt a WOMAN in India with POWER.of course MAMTA doesnt need "TRAIN"ing to use her powers does she?.......

.............................X.........................(this X like the ones in trains marks the end....lol)

THROW SRI LANKA?

2009-06-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

NO folks this is not about the THROWS errr...the bowling action of malinga,we also bring to light some serious news in this blog too!!!!!!(no giggles pls).Before the warm up match between Sri Lanka and South Africa could heat up,about 50-70 protestors gathered outside the stadium protesting Sri Lanka's participation."Sri Lanka's latest score: 20,000 dead, 300,000 displaced" was one of the eye catching placards oustside the stadium.Getting back our focus inside the stadium,it was the Sri Lankans who were being slaughtered by Gibbs and co,As the protestors were shouting and throwing stains upon the Lankans outside,inside it was another STAIN called DALE STEYN who blew away the srilankan challenge.So Sanga and boys you need all the luck as you once had in Pakistan to win this war in eelam.... oh sorry....in ENGLAND... good luck...JAYA(surya) HO...

The LORD OF THE "RINGS"

2009-06-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

THE KING OF THE "RING"

The Chief minister of Tamil nadu Mr.Karunanidhi marked his 86th birthday in a distinguished style playing the tamil card once again.This time the chennai corporation announced that a GOLDEN RING would be given to all those who give their new borns TAMIL NAMES.It all started by giving TAX BENEFITS to tamil films which have Tamil titles then Tamil was made as the court language and now golden rings for tamil names.This announcement has sent out a frenzy and as astrolegers,numerologists and nameolgists are getting busy, this blog suggests tamilians(free consultation) to give their new borns the tamil names which are present in Mr.Karunanidhi's family as just the names are ensuring people seats in the parliament!!!!.Talking of tamil names in Tamil nadu's first family one of India's most celebrated news journalist was witty enough to point out the the chief minister's son or the present deputy CM of tamil nadu's name is STALIN!!!!(not a tamil name i suppose).

VAZHGA TAMIZH (GLORY TO TAMIL!!!)

A NEW AVATAR

2009-06-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone this blog is the place for daily or weekly news spoofs. My ultimate aim is to achieve or make this blog as a virtual or a text based avatar of the "week that wasnt" one of my and India's favourite way of spending half an hour sitting or even rolling(wid laughter) in front of the television.I sincerely feel that your feedbacks are most needed for the development of this blog so be frank on your comments.

Disclaimer:The aim of this blog is to convey news in a lighter way and in no way aimed to hurt anybodys feelings or sentiments.

JAI HIND